As many couples who are going through a divorce can attest, the process can be exhausting, stressful, and, at times, tearful. When you have children to consider, things can get even more complicated. It’s not just issues of child custody and child support that you have to consider, but also your children’s emotional and physical well-being. When couples who are breaking up start to lose patience with and/or respect for the other person, talks about a quick and easy separation can go by the wayside. However, no matter how much you despise your soon-to-be ex, regardless of what he did or what she said, it is crucial that you do not share your negative feelings or emotions with your children.
Even if a divorce is the best solution for the couple, studies show that children often blame themselves for their parents divorce. Unfortunately, this worsens if their parents are bad-mouthing each other. If only for your children’s sake, keep your anger and resentment for conversations with friends and loved ones and show your children respect and love.
Many divorcing couples want to know the most effective way to avoid having their children feel responsible for a divorce or legal separation. Not surprisingly, communication is high up on the list. Talk to your children and let them know that the decision to end your marriage has nothing to do with them.
Read on for 7 more ways to make sure that your child feels safe and loved during and after your divorce:
1. Visits. Child custody arrangements in California can be tricky, but make it work! Arrive for visitations on time and as scheduled to avoid disappointing your child. Make your children a priority during and after the divorce.
2. Civility. Do not argue with your ex in front of your child, whether by phone or in person. It it especially important to avoid arguing when talking about your child. You do not want your child to think this is his or her fault.
3. Money. Avoid discussing financial or legal issues when your child is present.
4. Go Between. Your child is not your messenger. Don’t make your child responsible for passing information between you and your former spouse.
5. Spying. You may be dying to know who your ex is dating, but do not ask your child to find out. Having your child spy on his or her parent often backfires by creating an unsafe feeling between you and your child.
6. Share. Even though you might not want to see your ex doesn’t mean your child doesn’t want to. So long as your child’s well-being is not at risk, do not prevent your child from seeing their other parent as a way to punish your former spouse. Your child is the one who ends up suffering.
7. Be Kind. Perhaps one of the most challenging tips for some couples, it is important that you speak kindly about your ex in front of your child (or just don’t say anything at all!) and show him or her kindness when your children are around.
The challenges of divorce and child custody issues exist, but can be made easier with the help of a knowledgeable family lawyer. If you are considering filing for a divorce or legal separation in CA, contact the Los Angeles divorce lawyers at Walzer & Melcher today.